The smell of her hair was still fresh and I nuzzled into it with my eyes closed. I could feel her heart beat against my chest. It was the most melodious rhythm that I could fill my mornings with. I wrapped my arms around her as if protecting her from her own nightmares into which she often strayed away, which I could not be a part of.
She was aware of my presence and my warmth. And of the madness that allured her every night away from her sleep. A part of her heart and memory were locked away somewhere. They appeared to her as dreams. As nightmares!
“But what about my dream from last night?”, she asked, seemingly lost in some thought on a Sunday morning.
“You look like an abandoned puppy, snuggling closer to me for warmth, while smiling with your eyes closed. What about the dream?”, I asked her as I held her closer under the linen.
“It was beautiful. There was hope, love, and a pinch of ego. But I woke up too soon, remembering how close he stood next to me. He is never coming back, is he? But that is just a dream… Or may be a fragment of my memory that I have lost. Is he you? If that be so, why did you ever walk away? But you wouldn’t do that because you love me too much. Does that mean I was in love with someone else before I met you? To such an extent that love has turned into madness?
So then, would it be right for me to ask us to go back to being what we were, after being so much that we have been, so that, we will not have to be what we don’t want to be, because of being what we are? Would I then find the missing pieces of my memory and return to you with them? Will you then stick them together for me so that I can love you more?” she asked as she turned towards me still clinging onto my warmth. “I’m losing my sanity, ain’t I?” she asked me sadly, her eyes filled with helplessness.
I couldn’t assure her otherwise, so I lifted her face towards mine and said, “Would my answer to your question matter, knowing well that you will wake up and chase your dreams, run faster to keep up with your heart and then drag yourself back to me for reasons and patterns? Then, finding that they do not convince you, you will happily trash them and run again in the direction of your heart. At the end of the stretch you will be panting for breath. Do you still want to know what I think?”
“Let’s go back to sleep. I love you”, she said, kissed me, and fell asleep almost instantly. This time I hoped, like I do every day, that it will not be another nightmare that she will wake up from.
*Image Courtesy: Erin Cone (Internet)